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5 Reasons to Delete Your Dating Apps with Dave Glaser

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Dave Glaser Coaching
5 Reasons to Delete Your Dating Apps with Dave Glaser
24:57
 

On this week's solo episode, I offer up five reasons you would want to delete your dating apps... for good this time!  Within each of these, there are reasons why dating apps can be used as a self-awareness and become a big part of your personal development if you're willing to dig in and ask the deep questions as these situations come up for you; as they most certainly will.

Join me for a free week trail of private group coaching each week as we dig into topics that help you navigate modern dating when texting, social media and dating apps rule the way we connect, meet and communicate in relationships. Send me a message on Instagram @daveglaser_cscs to learn more today!

Reason number one, you know, it's time to delete a dating app. Check out the episode on YouTube.

This one's less about deleting the app and more about gaining self-awareness.  When we're using dating apps reason number one to delete a dating app would be when you find yourself saying,

"I'm not getting any matches." 

So let's back up just a little bit.

Let's take a step back and actually reverse engineer why it's possible that you're not getting any matches.

I like to ask myself, what is in /my profile look that would invite people to want to match with me?

And that begs a follow up question, "Am I showing up as my most authentic self when I create my profile?"

When you write you bio, you actually want to share something personal about yourself.  Something that would connect with the person viewing your profile.

And when you share something personal in you dating app profile, it shows that you're available and vulnerable, which can be deeply connecting for others, even if you're looking for something casual.

 Reason number two to delete your dating apps.

Let's say that you're getting more matches because you've kind of look back at your profile and expand and deepened your vulnerability to share something personal on yourself.

And now you've got a few more matches but the you message somebody first with, "Hey." "Hello." "How was your weekend?". Was that kind of a message enough to get someone to respond back more than once?

And then nothing.  Silence.  Crickets. 

Why does that first message on a dating app just kind of stall? Or completely stopped after that first message sent? 

I've found myself asking asking myself that quite a bit as I was dating and using dating apps to meet people. Often times it would bring up frustration and resentment in the process of trying to meet somebody while bringing my authentic self to the table on a dating app.

When you take a look at that message back and forth, you can ask yourself, "Does that opener initiate a conversation that's going to lead somewhere?" "Did I start with an open-ended question?" "Did I start with a question that was meant to get curious about something that they put in their profile?"

What question or what conversation starter do you typically choose?

And that's what you want to take a look at now that you are getting more matches and that might be a place to raise some self-awareness.

Some possibilities may look like hearing yourself say, "Maybe I'm just not available at this time. Maybe I'm not showing interest because I'm not that interested in the dating process or I'm showing interest in the wrong kind of person and my subconscious is holding me back. Tune into more on that topic with an upcoming podcast guest.

I often found that at certain periods in my life when I needed to take a break from dating, it was because my picker was broken. I was choosing the wrong people out of some sort of subconscious wound from my past that I hadn't healed fully. 

And if you take a look at the dating apps as a reflection or as a mirror of who you are right now and what you're bringing to the table, you can objectively take a step back and look at your behavior to take ownership of how you engage with people on dating apps in a more authentic way.

If you realized that you're not in a place that you're not ready or available to date, then it might be time to delete the apps.

Hopefully a piece of that resonates with you and invites you to take a step forward in self-awareness.

Reason number three to consider deleting your dating apps.

This next opportunity for awareness comes between the time when you begin a conversation with somebody and when the first date is planned.

What comes up for me in this time frame is that there's a necessity for leadership being taken in the conversation and the question that comes up is which one you wants to ask for the date?

So, if you are having a lot of conversations that fizzle out, that run dry, or just kind of ended abruptly, it might be time to consider the following questions. Ask yourself,

Am I having this conversation just to pass the time or just to fill the time to fill a need for me?

Or is it the other person who is in that similar situation and I'm feeling frustrated and resentful? 

And it might be time to delete the app because one or both or you are not ready to take the next step and set up the date. Whether that be you or the other person take the lead in the conversation and ask for the date.  It might even sound something as simple as this,

“Hey, what is your weekend look like coming up?  I’d like to take you to dinner.”

If that’s not something you’d be comfortable saying, what is another way to invite your interest out for a date?

If that feels confronting to you to ask or accept the date, it might be time to delete your dating app. 

Reason number four that you might want to think about deleting your dating apps.

This happens after you've been speaking for a while and you've set up a date and then the day of the date comes. Either you don't hear from them to confirm the date or they cancel last minute.

And what you may want to check in with is when this unfortunate circumstance happens, ask yourself if you are taking it personally.  This may be another clue for you to become more self-aware of what is behind this pattern.

You may actually want to take a break from dating and delete your dating apps because you're hearing yourself begin to take things personally.

Here's a reminder, this person doesn't know who you are at all because maybe you've only had a brief conversation or the talking stage lasts like a week or two.

I want to encourage you to look at what shows up for you that you are taking things personally and you acknowledge that this person knows nothing about you.

So how could it possibly be about you when they cancel last minute?

For me, it says more about them than it does about you.

Let me know your thoughts as you read further, I'm available for questions on Instagram. 

Reason number five why you may want to consider deleting your dating apps (and it's a BIG ONE)

After the first date, you think it might have gone well, you said good night and you asked them to text you and you they got home by saying, “Let me know, you get home safe”.

And they exactly that!  They may say, “Hey, had a great time. Thanks for meeting up and for the beer, wine, dinner, conversation, etc.

What happens when you text back and say, "Hey, great, great meeting you. I'd love to see you again. What's your schedule, like later this week?”

And then crickets. You hear nothing back. 

How this pertains to deleting your dating apps is that it's another opportunity to check in with yourself and discover what showed up for you on that first date.  A few things you want to ask yourself after a first date is, 

Did you have a true connection with that person?

Did you misinterpret anything or have anything that you want clarification on?

Did you misunderstand the signals that they were sending you that there would be a second date and it activated an attachment style for you or an attachment wound that feels familiar to you.

You may have gotten a little bit urgent or anxiety showed up for you when asking for that second date.

Something similar shows up for me and ultimately I deleted my dating apps because I recognized attachment wounds showing up.

If this episode resonated with you today, please leave me a five star review on your favorite podcast platform and share this blog post with one person that you feel would find value in it as well.

Wishing you health and happiness wherever you're at in the world.

Dave Glaser

 

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